Falling in love and at the same time being seized with fear is not an unusual combination of feelings. It’s more like an intensification of my “normal” condition because fear seems to be a constant background noise in every activity in which my mind engages. The intensified feelings of a lover only make the need for a solution more acute, which is to be welcomed as the chance of a lifetime. To really solve it may take my whole life or just one enlightened moment, but anyway, I have to start where I am. I can let my confused mind be gently guided to its original clarity by contemplating a few basic concepts about myself. As a result my mind may become very still – which is the openness wholeness needs to restore itself in my mind. It’s not necessary to trust my true reality against all odds because that would need the perfection of a truly healed mind. A little willingness of mine is enough to engage Heaven. So, let’s start.
Where am I now?
I’m in a state of fear. So what? Who would deny me this experience? It doesn’t feel good but that doesn’t make it something evil. It’s just me having lost touch with what I am. This is the situation I’m experiencing at this moment.
What am I?
What I am, is limitless, all encompassing love – an expansion of the supreme bliss of my creator: All That Is. This is reality. This is wholeness of being.
When and how does fear come in?
The illusion of separation, which is the cause of fear, started when I wanted to improve on everything by creating a world of my own – a world that would fully depend on me as its sole creator. A world of my own, however, means settling for less than the whole and thus making a severely diminished version of myself. This illusory world is not what I really want but it is the realm of experience I have chosen and my choice makes me believe that it’s true. My perception and experience can only bear out what I think is real. My limited self, or ego, has every reason to be fearful living in a world of separation where everything is a threat to everything else.
How is fear related to guilt, anger and other self-inflicted suffering?
Going against all encompassing reality is a terrifying act because it makes me see myself as having attacked the highest and most lovable truth I know. This gives rise to an intense feeling of guilt, which is unbearable, so it immediately has to be projected outside. My projection of guilt onto the world I created, shows in my anger, resentment and hate. In the body this pervasive sense of guilt is manifested as disease and death.
What is the essence of fear?
Having an emotion of fear simply shows that my limited self is in conflict with reality and with what I really want. Any resistance of me against the effects of being fearful (or guilty, or angry or jealous, etc.) will only increase this inner conflict, making my fear look more real. Fear is not thrown upon me from outside – it’s my choice not to accept the reality of what I am.
Can someone else set me free?
Because it’s my choice someone else cannot release me from fear. I have to let it go myself by accepting my responsibility for what I think. I cannot lose what I do not own. Projecting it outside only makes it look more real and beyond control. Taking the responsibility for what’s going on in my mind is an act of love and exactly that is what connects me with reality again. By taking responsibility I’m being restored to my real power.
Can my love protect me from fear?
When there is fear the wholeness of love is being denied. An extremely limited version of love, nothing more than the flip side of hate, is exactly what I have chosen by creating my own world. This mockery of love is not going to protect me from fear because it depends on the same illusion.
How do I regain my freedom?
To make freedom from fear possible, I’ll have to be willing to end the conflict by letting limitless love unconditionally return into my heart. “Not my will but Thine be done.” This only takes seeing what I wanted, seeing that I do not want it anymore because it lacks love, and surrendering to the will of love, which is my will forever.
How can it be so simple?
When I forget myself, if only for a moment, then what remains in my mind is completely natural, closer than my heartbeat, more intimate than my own thoughts. This egoless state called by any other name like innocence, no-mind, inner peace, my spiritual nature, unconditional love, God’s vision, etc. will be just as sweet. Being innocent is the most natural thing in the world. So utterly simple that it cannot be achieved – only allowed to be. Letting go, relaxing, accepting, overlooking, forgiving – this is all I need if I want to regain what was never lost.