“In Ship’s, I integrated all the fragments of my being. I had acted in each one of them with perfect certainty and consistency, and yet I had had no idea that I had done that. I was, in essence, a gigantic puzzle, and to fit each piece of that puzzle into place produced an effect that had no name.” (The Active Side of Infinity, by Carlos Castaneda, p. 268)
“How could I have been fragmented in such a fashion? Who are we really? Certainly not the people all of us have been led to believe we are. I had memories of events that had never happened, as far as some core of myself was concerned. I couldn’t even weep.” (The Active Side of Infinity, by Carlos Castaneda, p. 269)
We talk about living in the present which constitutes all moments. For convenience sake we measure moments in segments – seconds, minutes, hours etc. The bottom line is that each moment contains eternity and an opportunity to be all that I am. Each moment is infinite. What do I mean by this? In every moment, there are infinite possibilities. Imagine the universe in itself which is vast and in this moment what is going on is unlimited. And this infinitude is occurring in the next moment, and the next… ad infinitum. In every form, it is the Infinite that is appearing, thus each part is infinite.
Let’s take my own part in the plan of life. I am infinite, thus my awareness is omnipresent. I am all there is right here and right now; as I type this article, I am fully present. Now since the internal Self and the external forms are one, my awareness is fully present everywhere. I may not always be conscious of this but it is still the truth. It is a matter of trusting in myself. Time for an example.
The other day, I was going to catch my local bus but the bus was just leaving when I arrived at the bus stop. I had a thought that I should walk a few minutes down the road to the nearest underground station and catch another bus, then get off at a particular bus stop where I would be able to catch another bus into town. I trusted the Voice knew what It was talking about so I followed Its suggestion. When I arrived at the station I saw the bus I wanted was just leaving. If the Voice wanted me to catch the bus, why had I just missed it? There had to be a logical explanation for coming here in the first place. I waited patiently for the next bus. It arrived and took me to the bus stop I wanted, I got off and walked to the next bus stop to catch my other bus. When this bus arrived it all made sense. What the Voice was trying to tell me was that the bus I wanted into town had changed its route. If I had not followed Its suggestion I would be waiting for ages at another bus stop for a bus that would never arrive.
Who is this Voice that gave me the idea? Me of course. I am my own Guide, the Inner Voice, the Higher Self, the I Am Presence, Spirit, the Thinker, the Knower and the Known. For every action, it is I, the Thinker who initiates the action. Then my awareness feeds back ideas of how to fulfil it, and this same awareness appears as the very thing needed. In other words I am the desire, I am the thing desired, and I am the fulfilment of the desire.
But we live in a reality where we have been programmed to see ourselves in parts instead of a whole. This programme is due to the belief that we were created to be less than the Creator. How can a Creator create what is less than? Surely a creator can only produce its own likeness? Besides, I don’t buy the creation story; the Infinite cannot be divided. Every part contains the infinite, rather like a CD is the exact replica of the original. But the fact of life is humans see reality in parts. Not only do we think we have a left and right brain, but we think of ourselves as having a mind, body and spirit; as existing in separate planes; as having different parts in our lives such as work, leisure, relationship, personal development etc… and so the compartmentalisation continues. It is therefore only logical that if you think of yourself in parts, you will experience reality as parts. The problem is these parts are not always in agreement.
I remember reading a book called “Sybil” by Flora Rheta Schreiber, about a woman with fragmented personalities which psychologists refer to as “multiple personality disorder.” Sybil’s mother had sexually abused her as a child and to cope she became fragmented into 16 personalities. There was a part of her that was aware of all personalities, while the other personalities were completely oblivious, doing their own thing. Sybil would go for periods living as a particular personality and when she “returned” to her core personality, she would not remember what she had done. The book follows her therapy sessions and how her psychiatrist helps her to integrate the personalities into a whole.
Within this reality we are bombarded with conflicting beliefs about what reality is, coupled with our own personal desires to fulfil our dreams. The result is that two types of personalities emerge: the ones trying to achieve an objective based on consensus beliefs of limitations; and the others who want to help you fulfil your objective based on unlimited possibilities. You end up experiencing internal conflicts. Since you’re used to living reality in parts, the personalities are experienced like the ones Sybil had, where they have no idea of each other. They all want to take control. Sybil’s psychiatrist realised that her patient’s multiple personalities were trying their best to protect her from remembering the trauma she had experienced. They were working towards the same goal even though it didn’t seem like it at the time.
In the same way, the fragmented personalities you create are doing their best to help you fulfil your goal. The irony is that one can become so fragmented that the personalities could end up losing sight of the fact that they all want the best for you. After all, you are the creator and you only want the best for yourself. Why would you choose to sabotage yourself or want to hurt yourself if it wasn’t to protect yourself?
Say you have a desire to have financial freedom and to live an abundant life. This desire creates personalities or thought forms trying to help you create your dream. One will suggest that you get a job that pays better; another one will suggest that you need better qualification so you can get a job that pays better; another will suggest that you play the lottery; another will suggest that you stop being so silly and unrealistic, there’s no such thing as financial freedom; another will suggest that you are already free and it is your nature to have abundance and will try to teach you how; etc. As you can see, each personality has its own agenda, yet they all want the best for you. Now if you are one who experiences reality in parts, this will cause the parts to go about trying to achieve your goal and it will feel as if you’re being pulled apart, resulting in inner conflict. On the other hand, if you know yourself as whole, you will fine tune exactly what it means to have financial freedom and then set All of You on a quest to achieve this goal. There will be nothing opposing you and your will is done.
Another example of how conflicts are manifested is demonstrated in the movie “The Terminator 2.” A Terminator, killing machine, is sent from the future to the past. “Its mission is to kill young John Connor who in the future will lead humanity to victory against the machines.” At the same time, the future John Connor sends another machine to protect him. The movie follows the battle between the two machines in their determination to fulfil their objectives. The Terminator has been programmed to transform itself into people and weapons and uses this skill to deceive others. The final battle takes place in a manufacturing plant when the Terminator is pushed into liquid metal which dissolves it. During the process of annihilation, we get to see all the different personalities the Terminator has killed and emulated along the way. The other robot sent to protect John suggests it must also be destroyed. The robot is lowered into the same liquid and it is dissolved. Only then is John free to create a new future. (I haven’t seen the next movie in the series, Terminator 3).
The two machines are symbolic of the personalities we create in our personal quests. The Terminator represents personalities coming from the collective belief of lack and limitation; while the robot acting as protector, represents personalities who are trying to help you fulfil your goal. To free yourself from this constant battle you have to dissolve all personalities and start afresh, just like what happened to the two robots. It is only when you are completely whole can you stop being in conflict and remain in the here and now. You then realise that, in truth, both sides of you were always on the same side though they didn’t realise it at the time. When you no longer perceive reality in parts, you can create knowing that all of you is in complete accord.
How does one become whole? For me it’s been about waking up to the truth that I am infinite and have all power right here and now. All beliefs, rules and limitations are symptoms of humanity’s multiple personality disorder. The collective consciousness of humanity has gone wild trying to free Itself from a trap of its own creation and not knowing how to. And all because humanity believes He is experiencing reality in parts.
I know the following to be true for me:
I am not a mind, body or spirit;
I am not a Father, Son or Holy Spirit;
I do not live in the astral plane, mental, causal or spirit planes.
I am the Infinite fully present right here and now.
There is no God outside of me to turn to, God is where I am.
So whatever goal I want to achieve, I am the desire, and the fulfilment of that desire.
So for anyone struggling with split personalities, ego or whatever, I only have this to say to you: Pull YourSelf together!
I am Wholeness,