Jan 162007
 

This story is shared by Marsha Jordan

I have difficulty sleeping because my dog shares my bed. When I say “shares,” I mean he assigns me a tiny space on the edge where I must hang on with my toenails to keep from falling out. Louie stretches out sideways in the middle of the bed and hogs the pillow, growling in his sleep if I try to claim a corner of it for myself.

The worst part about sleeping with Louie is the racket his stomach makes. Like the ghost of Jacob Marley, it haunts my dreams. The gurgles, growls, and roars are loud enough to break the smell barrier. Sometimes I wake up to so much noise I think I’m in the middle of Mardi Gras.

The other night, when I finally managed to go to sleep, I had a dream that started out great. I was happily driving my hot pink Cadillac convertible to a rubber stampers’ convention. Out of nowhere came another car and bam! I ran right into it. A policeman arrived on the scene within seconds — because he was driving the car I hit. Boy, was I glad to wake up from THAT dream!

Many of my dreams end badly. That’s because Louie not only torments me during waking hours; but he crashes my dreams and ruins those too. I hate it when he has seizures, asthma attacks, and digestive disturbances in the middle of the night. It’s hard to sleep with someone jerking, hacking, and wheezing in your ear. Especially when that someone’s breath smells like an anchovy cannery. Somehow, what’s going on in my conscious world gets mixed up with my unconscious thoughts and incorporated into my dream.

It’s REALLY annoying when this happens during the best part of a Mel Gibson dream! The scenario goes something like this:

Mel: “I beg of you. You must be my leading lady. “Cough.” No one else can take your place.”

Me: “Oh, Mel. You’re making me blush!”

Mel: “Wheeze” “I must have you. “Snort” If you refuse, I’ll go on a hunger strike. . . . “HAAAAACK!”

Me: “What was that Mel? I didn’t catch that last part.”

Mel: “Hornnnk! Gag. Honnnkkk!”

Me: “Mel, you smell like a pig farmer’s boots – hey! Don’t lick my face, Mel. Wait, what are you doing? Not on my pillow!”

Mel: “BLAAAAAAGH! CAAAHAAACK!”

Then I usually awake in time to catch Louie hacking up cricket legs, bits of candy wrapper, or the half-digested remains of a paper plate.

I hate having my sleep disrupted, because the ONLY hope I have of meeting Mel Gibson is in my dreams. I do a lot of other impossible things in my dreams too, like flying without an airplane, and walking around in the mall wearing nothing but my underwear.

I have other dreams that, though seemingly impossible, are attainable, and not just when I’m asleep. For instance, I have the hope of not only rising from the dead someday, but of living forever and having an incorruptible, healthy (and hopefully thin) body. I dream of being united with loved ones in heaven and living there forever in the presence of God. Meeting Him will be even better than co-starring with Mel Gibson.

Marsha Jordan

Marsha Jordan, a disabled grandmother, sought after speaker, and undiscovered shower singer, created The HUGS and HOPE Foundation for Critically Ill Children. Her humorous, inspirational book, Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter is illustrated by sick kids; and profits from the book’ sale benefit children around the country. The book earned Parent to Parent’s 2006 “Best of the Best” award, honorable mention in The World’s Funniest Humor Contest, and an endorsement from Phyllis Diller.
Jordan’s charity was featured in Rosie Magazine. She has appeared on WGN television, Wisconsin Public TV, and Billy Graham’s radio program, “Decision Today,” as well as numerous other radio shows around the country.
Jordan has been published in several magazines including Heartlight, Obadiah, and Christian Voices. She’s a regular columnist for “My Walk With Jesus” newspaper. She is known as the “Peanut Butter Queen” because she believes hope, joy, and love are “sticky” like peanut butter – when you spread them around, you can’t help but get some on yourself.
Jordan’s dog, King Louie, rules the household with an iron paw and allows Jordan and her rocket scientist husband to share a home with him in the northwoods of Wisconsin.
You may learn more about Jordan, her book, and the charity she founded by visiting her web site at www.hugsandhope.org/
 Posted by at 17:22