Love, Heartache and so on |
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posted by: Isabella ® 10/28/2008, 21:41:46 |
How do you guys consider Love?
How do you deal with people longing for love? I mean especially the fact that people in the closer proximity never seem as good as the people in magazines and movies? Why is it that men or women that I KNOW are never good enough, never special enough, never as perfect as shown in the media? How would you work it out spiritually, work out especially the subjects "imperfect" or "perfect", "longing" and "illusion"? I'm kind of stuck here. |
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re: Love, Heartache and so on -- Isabella top of thread archive
posted by: Jeff ®
10/30/2008, 05:26:01
you will always find something imperfect about love if you see it in terms of something to long for. Love is not a contest of "how good you are" either.
Love is already all around, it is something you carry with you and that you can find everywhere you go, no matter how bad things may seem to be. You can always find love when you let go of things you think you need to have, whether they are romantic relationships, your favorite food or drink, attention from other people, etc...
I find unconditional love for example from my beagle at home for example. I got this dog after things didn't work out with my last relationship and I suddenly found something in my life that I could love and cherish that would love and cherish me the same way, laugh about how silly she is, walk with to all the corners of the woods around my house... I share this joy towards my dog with my whole family.
I also find unconditional love when I lose my notion of self, which is particularly easy if you walk around in nature, or in a crowded place (yes they sound like opposites) and have the luxury to get to listen to all the diversity of sound being made without any thought whatsoever. In nature, it is by the birds, the wind rustling the branches of trees and bushes, the leafs fluttering in the air, and there are treats every now and then to be found such as edible berries. There is always fresh air to be found here and it is a very serene environment. We learn that we do not need to fear solitude when we are amongst such fine trees, plants and animals surrounding us, and a beautiful sky, regardless of whether it's cloudy or clear, above us.
By contrast, when we are in a subway station full of people, you can stop to listen all the sounds of people's footsteps, as though they were part of a great orchestra, each musician paying his part. The same goes for the brushing sounds of their coats, the escalators, the voice you can hear in your own head even! Every sound in that you are experiencing in the moment as you make your way through the station is part of a great orchestra, it is quite musical actually and there is much to appreciate and love. It takes no effort, it is relaxing and requires no special favour from anyone because everyone is acting out of their own accord, just as in nature! It is their loss if they are not in appreciation of what they are creating
I am at a point in my life where I find love for everything around me, all topics of discussion, all sounds and sights, ideas and feelings. I embrace even the pains of when things go wrong because they are necessary to truly savour all the good things the be found constantly surrounding us, clothing us, feeding us, protecting our health, giving us rest and activity. I am simply filled with love and admiration for these things, something that has been right in front of me and all around me all my life, even though I've gone through periods of depression or confusion when I could not even see it.
Modified by Jeff at Thu, Oct 30, 2008, 05:43:47
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re: reply -- Jeff top of thread archive
posted by: Isabella ®
10/30/2008, 15:58:46
how do you saviour that feeling?
i sometimes feel close to nature and i am also often very still and hear inside me, i do actually cherish alot of impressions of the world.
but i can't feel love that way. and if i do, it lasts for about one day.
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re: love -- Isabella top of thread archive
posted by: Jeff ®
11/10/2008, 00:15:15
Love isn't a one way street. You can feel and see all the beauty in the world but this alone isn't enough for us. We have to give back I think, share the beauty we see around us with others. If you have family or friends, these are people you can share your favorite experiences with. You can even show love to animals and plants, as we interact with them and thus form relationships of a sort with them too. I must say though that I am blessed right now, as I have family and some friends who care about me and that I can trust. I feel the same way for them, and together we share a great many experiences. There is love there. I do not need to strive for romance to find this love.
I do take prudence however when it comes to romance. When we become interested in someone, we could love them and share with them, yes, and this is to me the best situation. However once we think about them too much, this love starts to be replaced by a void, a longing for the pleasures of being with them or seeing them (you can imagine how this also produces grieving for someone who has died). I have experienced a tendency of imagining all sorts of scenarios in my head where I am talking to some girl in my life, but these aren't really fair for the actual person in the real world because now she would have to match up to all my imaginations I've made of her while I could not see her. When we do this too much, I think there's a problem because we won't be able to share love, as we only feel longing for people. I find this puts pressure on us and on others, instead of making us relaxed and simply happy to see the person in question.
Do you notice such a tendency in your life or is this just me?
Anyway, I personally would be happy to find someone I could connect to intimately, but I think the healthiest thing I could do for myself both now and when I am in such a relationship is to relax and find happiness in the things that are already before me and around me.
I'm going to make an analogy now between our computer time and relationships:
We experience what we set our attention on. Right now you're probably not experiencing the sight of all the things behind your computer chair, even though they are very close to you. You might think that the computer is a very big part of your experience right now, even though it is but a small object in the entire room, let alone your entire house.
This fixated attention towards particular things applies to how we experience the relationships in our lives with people, animals, plants, etc... You might be thinking about someone you are very interested in, but nearby you have all sorts of people who have plenty of love to offer you that right now, your attention simply is not aware of. When you feel you are missing love in your life, take your sights off the one you were thinking about and consider those you can trust really do care about you.
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re: response -- Jeff top of thread archive
posted by: Isabella ®
11/11/2008, 15:34:21
thanks a lot, that is helpful. i know what you mean by those tendencies...
Modified by Isabella at Tue, Nov 11, 2008, 15:34:38
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re: . -- Isabella top of thread archive
posted by: jeff ®
11/17/2008, 05:38:56
I'm happy it was helpful, I find it helpful for me too.
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