Hurt is probably the worst thing you can do to somebody. If you make them angry, you can deal with that, depending on the degree and the intentionality. But if you hurt somebody, then that's harder to deal with because it does take time. It's harder for them to heal it, and it's more responsibility for you. It's the one emotion that has time. Therefore, the most devastating thing you can do to someone is to consciously hurt them. And to hurt them physically is less detrimental than hurting them emotionally, psychically or spiritually. A physical hurt can mend. You have torn an illusion, made a dark spot in a light. But an emotional hurt is real. A psychic hurt -- to lead them off their path -- is detrimental to their growth. You have slowed someone down. To spiritually hurt somebody, to spiritually misguide them, is the biggest hurt of all. It's the most devastating emotion you have. Likewise, once you move outside of time, hurt doesn't exist. It's the worst thing than can happen in your physical life because of the time factor, but once you move outside of time then hurt diminishes. So it all balances.

How do you deal with it? As with anger, you start with the old hurts: your top 10 hurts. You write them out. And you do much the same thing you did with anger: Play it through. Have an instant replay. Handle it the way you wish you could have. Then write a sentence or two about it. It is important to write it, because it is the movement of musculature and the electromagnetic energy of the nerves in the process of actually writing it down that makes it solid.

What about current hurts? Well, current hurts you handle a little differently. With the expression of hurt, it is important to let yourself feel it. Therefore, if you are hurting, then it is important to give yourself some time. Set up some time: 20 minutes on whatever evening. Plan it ahead of time. The trick here is that you don't think about other things: If you're feeling the hurt, feel the hurt, nothing else. As you focus in on it, it's going to get tedious for you. You'll find it very difficult to feel just hurt for 20 minutes solid. But experience that hurt for the 20 minutes, and then stop. Then go on and do whatever it is you planned to do that's going to be fun, that's going to cheer you up.

It may take two or three times, but do it in the same fashion, and you will release the hurt. It will be healed and you will be done. "But they have to heal it!" Don't count on it. They may not even know they did it, and furthermore, they really can't heal it. They can be responsible for it, and handle it responsibly, and make a commitment never to do it again. And that can feel wonderful, and is indeed an important part of it all. But you have to heal your own hurt. If you don't, it will turn to scar tissue just like any wound that isn't properly handled. It can get infected, and it can do damage to you.

Another thing about anger and hurt -- as they fit together - is to realize that in your society you have permission to feel one or the other. Women can feel hurt, but they're not allowed to be angry. So, if a woman gets angry and kicks a trash can across the room, she's "being a real bitch." The way a woman can express hurt is in tears. A woman can cry if she's happy, cry if she's sad, cry if she's angry, cry if she's hurt. A woman can basically cry. Any other expression: not allowed. So many women have a problem in terms of having worked with hurt, because that's all you've been allowed to work with. You may have a tremendous anger in there that you have hitherto let stay buried.

In reverse, men are allowed to be angry, but they're not allowed to be hurt. It's "weak" to be hurt. It is very uncomfortable both for men and women to see a man say, "I'm really hurting," or "You hurt me." So a lot of men have called hurt anger and tried to release anger and wondered why it's not working. You need to go back and deal with your hurt, even though society says it's "weak" for a man to be hurt.

Self-Pity

We've talked of victimhood, we've talked of martyrhood, we've talked of self-pity au naturel, and there are numerous ways to handle it. But it all boils down to one concept: When you find yourself feeling self-pity, honestly ask yourself, "Who am I punishing?" And when you say, "Myself," don't accept that answer. That is true, but that only feeds your self-pity. "Who am I punishing?" Myself. Okay. And who else?

There's always someone out there whom you are punishing. Own that, when you find yourself wailing or sighing in your various forms of self-pity. Ask yourself,"Who and why? And do I really want to do that? I'm hurting somebody. I'm wounding them. I'm ripping their self-esteem." You may tell yourself that nobody knows you're in that place. Highly unlikely. Very seldom do victims and martyrs keep their victimhood and martyrhood private.

There's always the thing where you say, "No, no. I'm a victim and a martyr, and I'm only hurting myself." Yet when you're asked who has ever hurt you, you can list out this one and that one. What state of mind where they in? Victim and martyr. Well, if victims and martyrs only end up hurting themselves, how did they end up hurting you? Victims hurt other people. Martyrs hurt other people. If you will really face yourself in the mirror, and really own it, you will not be able to really justify continuing it. And that is the core of the various techniques we have talked of as to how to handle your self-pity.

Fear

Fear is the base emotion absolutely. The base fear is fear of loss. From the very moment that you separated from your beingness, from God/Goddess/All That Is, there was that fear: "What if I can't get back?" The very core fear, expressed biblically and mythologically in other forms, is the fear: "Can I return to paradise?" That basic fear then produces all kinds of fears, which produce all kinds of emotions. A lot of your anger, hurt and self-pity comes out of fear. But it is its own emotion as well, and there are ways to handle it. It is, perhaps, the blockbuster of blockbusters. And one of the most powerful ways to handle your fear is to face it ...

Now indeed, you can back up from a fear to get perspective on it. We're not saying you have to jump right in to every one of them. But if you've identified and have a fear of something, move toward it, metaphysically, meditatively. You don't have to literally go fly in a plane and see if you crash. You can play it through in your mind, and it's just as real to your nervous system and to your body.

There are two approaches: If there's something you're afraid of, play it through meditatively. That can release those kinds of "phobic" fears. More of the fears are emotional fears, however, and those you work with by facing them. Go into a meditation and face it. Experience the worst thing that can possibly happen. "I'm afraid I'll lose my job." Fine. Go into a meditation and lose your job. Get fired in the worst possibly way. Play it through and then make an alternative plan. "What will I do? I'll sell the house, the RV, go on vacation, and figure it out when I get back." Plan out your approach. Then play it through the way you want it to be. It sounds so simple, and it works.

With Love & Peace

LAZARIS
related link: http://www.lazaris.com/publibrary/pubpeace1.cfm